Thursday, July 3, 2014

Year 2014

Year 2014

I’m a 2-1-4 guy (Feb.14 or 2/14). When I bet on the lottery, I always bet on these numbers. 214 or “Am I real?” (2-am, 1-I, 4-real) is one of my favorite songs. Most ID nos. that were issued to me revolved around or contained these numbers. That is why it is no surprise that I view 2014 as “my” year.

Last year, I imagined everything in my favor for the upcoming year; finish Law and take the 2014 Bar examinations, complete my masters, and take my Phd, take a good appointive position, invest on something, and perhaps, live the life I earned. The year 2014, without a question ‘should’ be ‘my’ year.

Fate, or some divine hands must have had a different opinion. To my shock, I found out that I will be a father to a sweet little boy. Although I won’t ever regret such happening, the incident complicated a lot of things –relationships, work, connections…name it. Even though I won some small battles, a string of unforeseen events made me think that I will, imminently, lose the war; a judge failed me two times in a subject which is likened to a P.E. subject of the undergrad, my masters adviser had a research at Tacloban and no adviser was available, I turned down an appointive position because I expected to take the 2014 Bar, I lost time, money, and even property in the most inconceivable and most funny way possible to my deep regret and distress. It seems that the coming 2014, or its anticipation, is a curse to me.

Maybe it’s that clutter that made me stop for awhile in my teaching job, and to plea for a ‘roving’ schedule in my community service position. Although I have remedied most of my troubles, the 2014 timeline I spoke of and expected was delayed. For weeks I stayed at home and have gotten myself consistently drunk to forget the stress and depression of it all. I was a mess. A failure.

Then one morning, Vash, my little boy, crawled to me and looked at me with pleading eyes. In that moment, I understood what he meant; In all the years I had, I maintained the moonlight bandit that I am, the selfish prick who disregarded emotions after emotions, and the egoistic gunslinger who’d put his fun first before obvious priorities. I realized that 2014 is not really for me, but for others…most especially my boy.

Maybe that is the plan, the purpose of this surprising chaos: so I can spend my 2014 days baby-sitting. A year to be spent playing with him, feeding him, changing his diapers, and rushing to bath him on lazy mornings. Maybe all those things happened because this year is supposed to be a time for me to watch him do his own battles - his first crawl, first words, first steps...

Maybe I really owe this year to him, because maybe, it is  ‘his’ year and not mine.

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